i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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