Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize