You just made me feel so damn special
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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Did I show you my penis last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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