Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
