I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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