the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
