Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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