yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
420 ftw
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize