So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
