Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
