had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize