3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
