I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
