is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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