when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
