puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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