if you like me you must not know who I am
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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