just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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