oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
