I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ttyl tear gas
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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