I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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