I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
