I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Less talking, more tequila
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
