By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
