Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
