New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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