When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
