Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
