Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
