A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
