He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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