I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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