as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
