I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
