and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
