Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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