So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize