Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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