Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it hurts more in the daytime
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
