I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
