My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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