All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
