if only i could text you this smell
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
