my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he thought i was a dude.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
