this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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