i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have demons in me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
