My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
