Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
