I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did i walk over a car last night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize