he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
two words...techno handjob
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
