So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
