I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
