shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
