my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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