I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
