so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
