So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
