Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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