He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
