I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
