I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
