i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
