Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
